To be honest, I wouldn't say I've done a very good job on my dissertation these days. Finding it hard to do all the transcriptions myself and summarise them in a shiny but logical way, I nevertheless enjoyed it. I'm amazed at the fact that all of my interviewees seemed puzzled when asked a short question, 'What is your cultural identity?'
'Fifty-fifty, maybe.'
They were born in the UK, or have immigrated here at a very young age with their Cantonese-speaking parents, and have been brought up in an English neighbourhood, sent to an English school, where they have made mostly English friends. I don't feel confident to comment on what they are, but I can feel that there is a trapped-in-the-middle dilemma there between two cultures, not considering, of course, any pressure they might feel at my presence, such as 'he loves to hear this', which I was unable to avoid.
One example of the Chinese-style humility, in a country where they are a minority, would appear to be the unreadiness to preach a 'Chineseness' to others: they keep it to themselves. They observed and learned a western social manner and take it very seriously in their own restaurants, and treat those with contempt who do not follow it or who have not learned to follow it. They seem to think that they have ventured, and have seen it all, and do not want to proclaim themselves 'king' of anything, but prefer to remain silent, invisible, anything rather than be seen as threatening or trouble-makers. I could notice myself influenced by it. I felt stupid and stopped sticking Chinese calligraphy works on to my own door, and have not found Chinese characters useful ever since, except at times when someone asks me for a Chinese version of their given name.
Among so many Chinese who are in this country because they are in a university of somewhere, I may not have the best talent needed to approach Chinese families, while some others may not think it's necessary to do so. But here I am doing this. Learning what they are may give a piece of thought about what you are, and boost your confidence in it.
